Welcome to the life of a seventeen year old girl...
where the broken meet the strengthened and all are one...
"The ground is level at the foot of the cross..."
"Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights."
~Habakkuk 3:17-19~
"Good Morning
The night is over and gone
I thought once
This dark would last for so long
Feel the sunlight
On my face
You have brought me
Through this place
Jesus, Jesus You found me
Through the dark night you led me
You set me free
Do you see
Just what You've done in my life?
You gave me
More than I hoped for, now I
Feel Your sunlight
On my face
You have brought me
Through this place..."
(I thought I'd be a good lil groupie and make a button for 'em lol)
WANNA LINK ME?
(do NOT direct link.. save to your computer, then upload onto a happy lil server, like Photobucket! *big smile*)
Thanks Push, for the AWESOME blinky!!
...and more to come...
Meet me.
(As you can see, I look pretty happy here. This was in June [aka before he left me]... you should see my pics now, if I even have any...)
Thanks, Anony2, for making it blink!!!
To my friend Adrian: thanks for the header, it's awesome. You rock!!
"My hands hold safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen.
So many years I’ve shaped each one
Reflecting my heart, showing who I am.
Now you’re asking me to show
What I’m holding Oh so tightly.
Can’t open my hand; can’t let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can’t you let me go?
Surrender, Surrender
You whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know, but can't You see
My dreams are me, My dreams are me.
Say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life.
Told me the world has yet to see
What you can do with one
That’s committed to your call.
I know of course what I should do
That I can’t hold these dreams forever.
But if I give them now to you
Will you take them
Away forever?
Or can I dream again?"
~Surrender~ *Barlow Girl*
"See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you"
~With or Without You~ *U2*
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
'Cause I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss a thing
~I Don't Want to Miss a Thing~*Aerosmith*
"I hear the clock, it's six a.m.
I feel so far from where I've been
I got my eggs and my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you.
I break the yolks, make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off the mirror
Don't leave the keys in the door
Never put wet towels on the floor anymore' cause
Dreams last so long
even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
I called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy and I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad 'cause
Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
I go about my business, I'm doin fine
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken, everyday.
I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick a book up. Turn the sheets down.
Take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause
Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon I know you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
Yeah.... You were meant for me and I was meant for you."
~You Were Meant For Me~ *Jewel*
"Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures."
~Henry Ward Beecher~
"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens."
~J. R. R. Tolkien~
"The thing to remember is that that the future comes one day at a time."
~Dean Acheson~
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. "
~Friedrich Nietzsche~
"What are you, Creature who brings me suffering?
Why must I suffer with your presence in the dark places of my life?
O God, tell me where I can find my peace,
End my torment and despair and give me life again.
Over and over I pour out my blood, my soul...
But God, where are You when I'm dying in my soul?
Carry me out of this, God.
Come and rescue Your servant.
Death is so close to my door, manipulating me every chance he gets.
God, why must I endure this?
Burn the hurt and pain in this wretched being of mine.
Further and further I fall, so help me, my God.
Resuce me from this hell that I live in."
Yeah, thought that was interesting.. weird though, lol.. but since it said i was one with JESUS (correcting that lol), then I thought it was appropriate. lol
You're a Vampire. Vampires were the creatures of the night that were believed to live off of human blood. Count Dracula, being the most famous vampire, set the stereotype. They had dark hair and pale skin from being away from the sunlight. If they actually existed, it's very possible they had the skin disease that made you allergic to the sun so whenever the sunlight would hit it, it would hurt like crazy. They were usually snobbish and control freaks and kept werewolves as pets.
Because my friend Megan suggested it, I got help from a professional today, although it was only our school guidance counselor (one of the five)...
*time passes*
Wow.. speaking of her... lol.... she just called me. She wanted to talk to my mum, which was good, but she started asking me how I'm doing and stuff, which was really nice. It shows that she cares (at least someone does [besides Meg]).
Anyway, I've been keeping my thoughts during the day in my alphasmart (this little computer we're given to use for the school newspaper)... I wish I could hook it up to this computer and just download it all onto here, but I doubt the alphasmart is compatible with my computer.
Well, I left during lunch near tears because for the past two days, that non-Christian ugly girl has been hanging around Seth.. like standing next to him in the way a lot of girls do that says "I'm your girl"... I hate it. I had to leave, it was torture. How could he break so many promises? How could he be such a coward too?
Think about it.
Instead of hurting me physically so everyone can see what he's done to me, he hurt me where no one can see: emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. It would have been more humane to beat me and rape me than what he did. And maybe if he had done that, my wounds would have healed when the bruises healed and maybe then I could hate him.
But no. He left me dead in my spirit. He should have beat me and raped me.
I'm still in the process of dying. Perhaps not physically, but in every other way possible.
*God, just grant me mercy.*
Mrs. Spotts made me promise her that I won't commit suicide. I promised. But that doesn't mean I can't think of death.
ooh i gtg...
Blessed ventures,
~*~Markie~*~
Posted at 08:36 pm by KieT
Delusion Overdose November 19, 2004 05:07 PM PST Thanks for the editted post!:)
its good that ur asking for help from a professional,if u want abit more help from a person closer to ur age&knows ur situation abit better,u can speak to my best friend,he is studying psychology.
its good u aren't thinkning bout suicide,coz itas wrong for an AMAZING person like u.its wrong killing uyourself for ONE person that didnt care for u properly,what bout ALL the other people that REALLY CARE for u?i only know u online but i REALLY CARE for u,and it seems alot of other ppl also do(ut not as much as me...lol)
adrian
FreudianSlip November 19, 2004 03:23 AM PST Hey - Look.. Trust me honey.. that the beat me and rape me thing, is ten thousand worse than being broken up with.
What seems like hell today, will be a memory tomorrow.. and believe that by the time you are 25 years old.. you will be trying to remember Seths last name, as you and your current boyfriend/husband whomever.. sit and laugh about who you used to have the hots for.
Worry, Hate, and Holding on to sadness never bring you anything in life but stress.
But relaxing, Forgiving and Letting Go will bring you serenity...
I know it takes time.. but you cant go around talking about suicide.. because that takes away youre time. And it never gives you a chance to be happy.. and isnt that what youre missing right now?
Happiness?
Cheer up hon.. Tomorrow will be here soon.. Just hold on a ride on faith. Youll come out on top.
Cheeko November 18, 2004 09:32 PM PST listen sweetie!! i know that emotional affects are worse actually consequence are worse as they are long run internal bruises but you should know that the immediate effects of physcial damage are very much worse too! you might heal up later but..just imagine what if he'd broken a leg or like an arm of yours? what if he had killed you? well ou can still heal from emotinal damage time is thje medicine. but donot expect the physical damage because it is visible to all firstly! secondly a markie with no leg! no way....or like a markie with a burnt face?? OMG!
