Welcome to the life of a seventeen year old girl...
where the broken meet the strengthened and all are one...
"The ground is level at the foot of the cross..."
"Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights."
~Habakkuk 3:17-19~
"Good Morning
The night is over and gone
I thought once
This dark would last for so long
Feel the sunlight
On my face
You have brought me
Through this place
Jesus, Jesus You found me
Through the dark night you led me
You set me free
Do you see
Just what You've done in my life?
You gave me
More than I hoped for, now I
Feel Your sunlight
On my face
You have brought me
Through this place..."
(I thought I'd be a good lil groupie and make a button for 'em lol)
WANNA LINK ME?
(do NOT direct link.. save to your computer, then upload onto a happy lil server, like Photobucket! *big smile*)
Thanks Push, for the AWESOME blinky!!
...and more to come...
Meet me.
(As you can see, I look pretty happy here. This was in June [aka before he left me]... you should see my pics now, if I even have any...)
Thanks, Anony2, for making it blink!!!
To my friend Adrian: thanks for the header, it's awesome. You rock!!
"My hands hold safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen.
So many years I’ve shaped each one
Reflecting my heart, showing who I am.
Now you’re asking me to show
What I’m holding Oh so tightly.
Can’t open my hand; can’t let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can’t you let me go?
Surrender, Surrender
You whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know, but can't You see
My dreams are me, My dreams are me.
Say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life.
Told me the world has yet to see
What you can do with one
That’s committed to your call.
I know of course what I should do
That I can’t hold these dreams forever.
But if I give them now to you
Will you take them
Away forever?
Or can I dream again?"
~Surrender~ *Barlow Girl*
"See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you"
~With or Without You~ *U2*
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
'Cause I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss a thing
~I Don't Want to Miss a Thing~*Aerosmith*
"I hear the clock, it's six a.m.
I feel so far from where I've been
I got my eggs and my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you.
I break the yolks, make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off the mirror
Don't leave the keys in the door
Never put wet towels on the floor anymore' cause
Dreams last so long
even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
I called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy and I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad 'cause
Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
I go about my business, I'm doin fine
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken, everyday.
I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick a book up. Turn the sheets down.
Take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause
Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon I know you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
Yeah.... You were meant for me and I was meant for you."
~You Were Meant For Me~ *Jewel*
"Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures."
~Henry Ward Beecher~
"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens."
~J. R. R. Tolkien~
"The thing to remember is that that the future comes one day at a time."
~Dean Acheson~
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. "
~Friedrich Nietzsche~
"What are you, Creature who brings me suffering?
Why must I suffer with your presence in the dark places of my life?
O God, tell me where I can find my peace,
End my torment and despair and give me life again.
Over and over I pour out my blood, my soul...
But God, where are You when I'm dying in my soul?
Carry me out of this, God.
Come and rescue Your servant.
Death is so close to my door, manipulating me every chance he gets.
God, why must I endure this?
Burn the hurt and pain in this wretched being of mine.
Further and further I fall, so help me, my God.
Resuce me from this hell that I live in."
Yeah, thought that was interesting.. weird though, lol.. but since it said i was one with JESUS (correcting that lol), then I thought it was appropriate. lol
You're a Vampire. Vampires were the creatures of the night that were believed to live off of human blood. Count Dracula, being the most famous vampire, set the stereotype. They had dark hair and pale skin from being away from the sunlight. If they actually existed, it's very possible they had the skin disease that made you allergic to the sun so whenever the sunlight would hit it, it would hurt like crazy. They were usually snobbish and control freaks and kept werewolves as pets.
I posted an entry about an hour ago, but it didn't go through.
Seth IMed me out of no where.
It was horrible. I'll post the conversation later.
I called Tyler right after Seth blocked me several times (all on different screen names), and I was crying. I wanted to die.
Tyler made me promise not to do anything stupid, and I agreed. I just did something horrible, but it felt so good. Obviously, I didn't end up killing myself, so it's fine.
I want to be released from my pain.
But I promised.
Now left alone to my thoughts, I keep reminding myself that I promised him I wouldn't, after Seth supposedly wanted to help me, but turned around and talked about that girl, spitting in my face all the good qualities in her that he hated in me..
I can't live with that.
But I promised.
I called Tyler because I had to... I couldn't trust myself after Seth blocked me... I needed to talk to someone, and Tyler was the first and only person to pop in my head. He's a very good friend.
I don't know if what I did was right or wrong, but it's done, and I know I'll do it again and again. I need to be free.
But I promised... but this isn't *that* stupid, is it?
*sighs*
I'll be gone until probably Saturday. We're leaving on vacation, but hopefully, I'll find internet access somewhere there..
Someone pray I keep my promise.
Blessed ventures,
~*~Markie~*~
Posted at 11:59 pm by KieT
Kie May 19, 2005 12:24 PM PDT Tricia, I posted this back in November. I haven't been able to come back on this blog since my parents read it and decided it was best for me to take a long break from it. I recently got back on AIM, so maybe one day I will IM you. Thank you for your prayers, as I'm still finding myself dealing with these issues even now. But things have gotten better and God has shown me more and more each day how amazing He really is and how much I know He can change my life around.
Thank you again for your comment. =)
~*Markie*~
tricia May 6, 2005 09:53 PM PDT hi, you dont know me, i was looking up lyrics to a song and it sent me to your website, so this may not mean much to you, but i will pray that you keep your promise, and i again, i dont know you and you dont know me, but if you ever want to talk to someone, i will listen my screen name is: lives4thelord07 i wont bother you any more, hope your weekend gets better
FreudianSlip December 4, 2004 10:20 PM PST I hope you get a break during your vacation and that you have a chance to just be free of the stress youre carrying with you.
briann November 26, 2004 10:39 PM PST i pray that you dont break your promise to.
hey...im sorry its been so long since ive visited...its just been um...hectic lately...
im sorry to hear about everything...but i pray that you find your light at the end of the tunnel...
i have, and its quite amazing. at least for now i think everything will be okay. i think i can live now. at least i will try. and i want to thank you so much for your comments. really. its so thoughtful of you. and i just got internet today (11.26) so if you care to chat, i.m me on aim: abnormal android
i hope you do well. i hope you find your way through this.
=bri
Delusion Overdose November 23, 2004 06:43 PM PST u went on vacation...and u didnt tell me?but its ok,i'm not that important to u to tell me everything!:)
y do u want to end ur life over someone as useless as seth?he's not worth it,trust me...esp with a SN like paintbalforjesus..it sounds liek he wants to shoot jesus with a paintball,and dont let me comment on the basketballseth one...lol!:)
but anyways he is ..like i told him... a *cough*bastard*cough*! he mite have been ur whole world back then,but he doesnt care bout u now,so u shouldnt care bout him!if i went over there(to kentucky)and met seth,i wouldnt think twice to beat his head in(and ending his basketball career by breaking both his legs in..lol),then when he is taken care of(and eating thru a straw).i'll show u how an amazing woman should b treated.
i went thru something similar to ur dilemma,but i look back at Isabel and smile,coz altho she was and stil is a conniving sucubus,she taught me how too handle my 'next encounter'.
U WILL get over seth,maybe not tomorrow or in a weeks time,but u WILL,so think of that day,when u can look back at seth and laugh
u keep 'seeing' seth for what you to 'HAD'and then letting u 'fall'...HARD, this is the natural way too see things, but u must see this from a different angle...he was a bastard to u, if he really cared bout u,he wouldnt of done what he did,he is also a coward for not telling u sooner and for not giving u a valid reason now for what he did.
but like vasant and alot of other people have sed,seth DOESNT deserve u(he deserves a stupid blonde girl,so they can have the same IQ in common...lol).another reason he let u 'fall' could be that he found out that he couldnt handle a REAL woman,like u,it takes a (willing,patient,sensitive,caring,etc,etc) man(like me...lol) to do that,and he seems to be just a little boy with his balls on his mind(in reference to paintBALL&basketBALL...lol)
well this post/comment turned out longer than expected...soz if u fell asleep half-way of sheer boredom
