(I inserted the "beep" where he said a naughty word, lol... we were in a very heated.. umm.. conversation about my struggles with moving on... It seriously surprised me when he said he *did* care about me.. He's not one to say that he cares about you often, or ever really.. He reminds me sometimes of Seth, only when he's online though.. you can't tell what he's thinking and he won't tell you...)

Example #4:

Of course, she *did* make fun of the title and the pictures of fairies and stuff on it. lol... she said some of them looked like nude pics. haha.. yeah, she has a weird sense of humor too. But I wouldn't want it any other way.

And you know, I still haven't figured out my relationship with my dad. I know we're not as close as my mum and I, but we still have a very good relationship. I think a lot of it has to do with respect. I respect my dad a whole lot, and I'm very glad my mother married him (not just because that was the only way I could have been born, lol). But I think that my mum made a very good choice in choosing my dad as a husband. He's an overall, good guy. He just is. I mean, number one, no mater how fat he thinks he is, he's *not*. He just isn't. He's not ugly, either. Thank goodness--not only for the chance that I may have been ugly (lol)-- but because it honestly would have been embarassing to walk around and introduce a hideous father. lol.. I mean, it's amazing. Both my parents will be 40 this upcoming year, but neither one of them look it. In fact, I was thinking just yesterday about how beautiful my mother is. She really is as beautiful as people tell me.. I used to be embarrassed to admit it, but she is. And my dad's very good-looking too.. it sounds weird saying it, lol, but he is.

But AS I WAS SAYING.. lol... I think my relationship with my father is mostly from respect. I really do respect him. He's a very intelligent guy too. I mean, he's the associate pastor of the church, but I mean, seriously.. he can spout out more bible verses than anyone I've ever known or heard of. lol.. my youth pastor said once that he was like a machine.. and he IS.. I mean, it's amazing how you only have to mention a few words of a verse and he knows exactly where it's at and what context it's used in. lol..

Now that I think about it, I've always admired my dad. I've always looked up to him. *still fighting the tears*.. He's a good father and a good husband for my mother and a good man in general. I really do love my dad too.

lol and since I've started on my family, let's talk about my brothers.

Well, my little brother Jamie is a lot like my dad, so let's start with him. First of all, if you were his age, or even my age, and you saw my 14-yr-old brother, you'd think he was the cutest boy in the freshman class. He's adorable. Chase Hammond-- that one character off Drive Me Crazy.. you know, that movie with Melissa Joan Hart? ok.. nvm.. lol.. well, he looks like him. haha.. my parents didn't point that out til tonight. I was sitting there thinking about how hot the guy on t.v. was, and then they said he looked like my brother, ruining the movie for me, lol.. But he really is a good looking kid. He's smart as heck too, just like his dad. And his eyes.. omg.. they're like my dad's. (I'm jealous lol) Hazel eyes, along with his gorgeous dark hair. Long, but not like girlish long, like guy-long (If that makes sense lol)... then again, I have the dark hair thing too, so it's all good. lol... but he's also a very respectable young man. He likes blondes, I think, but hasn't found any girls in our youth group that he likes. I don't blame him though.. he's looking for a smart girl (not an idiot, thank God lol) who also has a strong heart for God, which he also shares. He's a very godly guy. I'm proud to have him as my brother.

Then comes Frank, my older brother (by a year and a half).. I never had much of an opinion on Frank until I read his journal (on livejournal)... I was so surprised. He has such feeling and emotion. He's an awesome, awesome guy. I never used to know what he thought, because he would never tell me. He's quiet in public, but when he feels comfortable, like at home or at church or with friends, he's hilarious. His wit is outstanding. lol.. But he's also very sensitive, which is a wonderful quality. Thank God he's not gay, lol, but he's just quiet around girls too. He doesn't seem to pay much attention to girls passing by and saying hi (as my mum's told me many occasions of which he's completely ignored girls).. He's not a jerk at all, he just doesn't pay attention sometimes. And I think that sometimes he does, but he doesn't know how to respond to it. At 19 years of age, he's never actually had a girlfriend. He went to a dance with a girl once in 7th grade, and he's been the boyfriend of a friend of mine back in the 8th (she bugged him to go out with her, and being the non-confrontational guy he is, he just ended up agreeing, lol.. it didn't last long though.. i think only a week or two).. but he could easily get a girlfriend, and I think that once he shows her (whoever she is, I just pray to God I like her lol) who he really is, he'd be the best boyfriend/husband a girl could ever ask for. More common sense is sometimes needed.. well, a lot of times.. that's the one thing he lacks, lol, but he'd be very good for a girl. The girl he likes now isn't good for him. She's a phony and because he seems to always see the good in people, he doesn't see that.. poor thing..

Now for Nick. Nicholas is my baby brother. We're 7 years apart, obviously meaning that he's 10. He's in 5th grade. *sighs* I hate seeing him grow up.. what I know I'll hate more is seeing his loss of innocence.. but he's a lot like me when I was a kid.. not all there sometimes.. still an innocent little baby, though he's on his last year in elementary school. Looking back, I used to think I was skitzo when I was a kid, but I simply had a very active imagination. So does he. He'll most likely become an amazing writer one day. I can tell that his speech pattern's like mine. When I was his age, I talked the same.. saying R's and W's awkwardly.. and not only that, but how he explains things and how it takes forever for him to tell stories. lol.. i'm the same exact way. His weight even. He's gained a lot of weight the past year, just like I did. Now, I'm actually pretty happy with the way I look, and hopefully he will be too one day (although I sometimes skip meals to stay this way.. I'm not anorexic though, so don't even think it lol).. but I love my baby brother.. though it scares me that he may one day have the same suicidal thoughts and tendencies and depression issues that i deal with or have dealt with, i'm hoping that one day, he'll be comfortable enough with me to come to me and talk about it... I've heard it's more likely for a guy to carry out suicidal plans than it is for a girl.. that worries me... *sighs*.. I love my baby brother and I don't want anything to happen to him..

*thinks* wow.. how did this turn into a family thing? lol.. I started intending to talk about how glad I was to be separated from Seth, and it turned into an appreciation for my friends and family. lol

Well that's good though.. but now that I've spent just about 2 hrs on this entry, i should stop and go to bed.

Oooh.. my friend Mary Catherine is IMing me... we haven't talked in months, I think.. long time friends. She's also a very awesome friend, though we don't talk much anymore.. we were best of friends at All-State (youth choir........ don't ask lol)..

Weblogs.

Gone.

It'll all be over.

*sighs*

Blessed ventures,
~*~Markie~*~